Motherhood

If anyone actually reads my blog anymore, you might be thinking, "Here she goes again. Says she'll stay committed and then, nothin'." Well, yes, I have taken an obvious break from The Excellent Wife reading and blogging. I have had to focus a little more on trying to be An Excellent Mom (ha- it will always be something to strive for).

My little AJ has been having some difficulties and it has taken a lot of my time (and Gus's) to try and figure out what's going on with him. We have a slight clue (urgent care doctor diagnosed him with reflux), but I'm not totally convinced that we've figured it out. The hard part is- he's a baby. He can't tell me what's wrong. He has good days, then weird days, then bad days. He cries, he smiles. I never thought I could be so confused in my life. But feeling like something is wrong with your child and not being able to figure out what it is, is just about the worst feeling in the world.

Another thing that is really hard is when you know your kid is soooooo tired, but he won't (or can't) fall asleep. For me this happens sometimes, but I'll just lay in bed or I'll get up to do something. For him, he just screams his head off.

Anyway, I will get back to reading The Excellent Wife and writing about, but I've been going out-of-my-mind crazy the past week and a half, and blogging hasn't been on the priority list when screaming AJ is needing attention.

Day 2- What's stopping me?

The question should really be, "What's stopping me from being an excellent wife?" I can become what God wants me to be, if I do what He wants me to do. But what stops me from doing that? SIN...SIN...SIN...SIN...seriously, again...SIN.

First, you must deal with your sin. (There's going to be a lot of Scripture in this blog, taken from the reading- I feel it necessary to write it all down though.)

I John 3:4-6
4Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. 5But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. 6No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.

The author states that, "sin...is a transgression from any of God's standards." "Sin is wanting to do things her own way rather than God's way." How many times per day do I do things my own way rather than God's? Do I even stop to question what God's way is before doing something? Hmmm...there's a question for ya! Well, for myself at least. Even though I am at home now, rarely dealing with the outside world every day, I still need to ask myself that question daily (and sometimes constantly throughout the day). Of course this task seemed easier to me when I was working in the big-bad law firm with non-Christians all around, testing my moral compass, testing my reactions, standing up for what is right. Now I deal with AJ all day. Different, but the same. (Testing my patience by screaming in the other room right now. Yes, we let him CIO before nap time.) These days I face sin in regards to: laziness, selfishness, priorities, accountability, complaining (not being content), various temptations, denying one's self for Christ's sake (today, I'm denying myself coffee).

More Scripture regarding how to combat sin in our lives:

II Corinthians 5:21
21God made him who had no sin to be sin^[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

John 8:34,36
34Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin...36So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 14:16-17
6And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be^[c] in you.

You've got it, CHRIST is how we combat sin in our lives- how we become an EXCELLENT WIFE. He is the Way, the Truth, the Life. We can accomplish ANYTHING with and through Him. "Because God so richly provided for a Christian wife in her battle against sin, she is without excuse.

I John 1:9
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Am I ready to begin? Am I ready to stop making excuses, because I know full well that Christ has given me the tools to conquer my laziness and be a truly excellent wife? I believe I am. I feel seriously motivated. I know I'm not perfect and I may mess up, but hello, let's not allow that to stop us from trying. (Why am I talking in the 3rd person?)

So with I John 1:9 confession and the following prayer from the author, let's get it started [in here]:

"Dear Lord, I confess that I have not been the wife that You want me to be. I need Your help to become that wife. I now commit myself to make my ministry to my husband the primary ministry of my life. Teach me what I need to know. I want my life and my relationship with my husband to glorify You. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

I John 5:14
14This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

The Excellent Wife - Day One

Chapter 1 - pages 1-6

The author begins the book by describing how she became a Christian. She explains that she kept reading John 1 over and over again, and by the grace of God, was led directly to Him.

John 1:1-14

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood^[a] it.

6There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.^[b]

10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent,^[c] nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,^[d] who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Reading this passage made me realize yet again that God is God, and I am not. "Through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made." Amazing. Awesome.

Martha Peace poses a question in the beginning of Chapter 1 that makes me embarrassed because of how I answered it truthfully to myself: Do I want glory for myself or glory for God? Hello- glory for myself! I'm a seriously selfish human being (as most of us are), but have I encountered that human fact and tried to fight it OR just let it be fact and move on with my life. THAT answer needs to change. It needs to be, "Duh! GLORY FOR GOD!" This is a topic that I'm sure will be dealt with over and over in the reading/study of this book and the Scriptures that go along with it. Humbling much?

Now onto what begins "The Excellent Wife" topics.

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 ^[c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

The author begins to describe what it means to be an excellent wife after reading Proverbs 31. A few things stood out to me as I read.

She wrote, "God's will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry is to her husband (Gen. 2:18). After a wife's own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have greater priority." "Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife's time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day."

THIS has been a toughie for me over the past 3 months. Probably longer when I think about it because the end of my pregnancy was very uncomfortable. I'm sure I was more focused on myself and preparing for AJ, than being focused on my relationship with Christ and on ministering to Gus. I find it harder now because I'm pretty much wasted by the time Gus gets home from work. Some days I feel relieved that I can hand AJ over to Gus and do something else. I'm hardly ever thinking, "Fantastic! You're home, how can I serve you?" That sounds terrible reading it, but I'm being honest, and I'm hoping to change that (obvious) throughout my study of Proverbs 31. I WANT to be an excellent wife, therefore, I must learn how to be and work on it. Being a new mom (or being a seasoned mom- I guess there is no difference) is challenging in all areas of life, but especially in the "time and energy" piece of pie. There is a large part of me that questions how I will be able to do this. The author answers that question for me:

"A wife's responsibility is to learn to put her confidence in the faithfulness of God and His Word- to do what He says." "She can become what He wants her to become if she does what He wants her to do."

And what He wants me to do is to follow Him and obey His commands. It sounds so matter of fact, why is it hard? LIFE. So...I pray this journey is a joyful one! Thanks for reading along!

BACK and READY TO ATTACK

Hmm...that title is kind of lame, but I wanted it to rhyme. Anyway, here I am in May 2008, committed to blogging again...hoping my commitment will last a little longer than the last one. PLEASE NOTE: My last post was in August 2007, announcing my pregnancy. I'm pretty upset with myself that I didn't blog at all throughout my pregnancy. What a dummy. Nothing of my journey is documented and that makes me sad.

I'm a mom now- I've been a mom for 3 months which still blows my mind a little. I think everyday I adjust a little more, but we seem to be in a routine and it seems to feel normal on most days.

Now that AJ is accustomed to his morning nap, I want to use my time (and my new MACBook) wisely. So, instead of checking email or browsing the internet or posting on facebook, I'm going to read more and blog about it. At least for the month of May, I'm going to be posting about "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. We discussed the book, conversationally, at Staff Wives dinner the other night. When I opened it to start reading today, I saw that I had written "4-11-05" next to the first chapter. Yeah, that's when I started reading this book and that's when I stopped. It's been sitting in the top drawer of my night table ever since...until now. A lot has happened since 4-11-05, which was two days after my 26th birthday. The next post will begin my month of reading "The Excellent Wife."

Um, I'm pregnant

So….I’m pregnant. If you couldn’t decipher that from the ultrasound picture, well then, SURPRISE!!! And I’m not newly pregnant, I’ve just entered my 2^nd Trimester- tomorrow I will be starting my 16^th week…it’s starting to get better.

So far, pregnancy hasn’t been what I expected. Just like everything else in life, I guess, but like I said- it’s starting to get better. In a pure and honest way, I will share what I’ve experienced so far (this is supposed to be funny…not complaining- it’s all worth it):

*A serious hatred of chicken

*Purchasing Gas-X (for gas) and Colace (Stool Softener for constipation)

*Spotting at 6 weeks and going through misery for three days thinking I was going to miscarry

*Our first ultrasound/sonogram (words are interchangeable) and viewing the peanut-shaped baby and hearing the heartbeat (THIS WAS AWESOME)

*An unexplainable pregnancy sickness nausea that started at 6 weeks and I still experience it at some point throughout my day. (“Morning” was never tacked on to this description for me because I felt normal in the morning…afternoon and evenings were the worst.) Nothing like I have experienced before.

*Pregnesia (def): The loss of part of your short & long term memory due to pregnancy. May not be fully recooped after pregnancy, but will continue on throughout your life.

*Fear that my nausea medicine will cause birth defects in the baby

*Going through boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios for all-day snacking to “ward off” nausea

*Fitting into my fat pants…again

*Falling asleep on the couch at 7pm

*Waking up at either 3am or 5am (on the dot) every night to pee

*Sharp, shooting, unbearable pain in lower abdomen when sneezing or coughing

*Running out of breath walking from one side of the house to the other

*Not fitting into my normal bras, but not really fitting into others that I try at the store either

*Purchasing maternity clothes and wondering why ALL women’s pants do not include the very comfortable elastic maternity waistband (what a shame)

*Getting fatigued trying to lean over and paint my toenails

*Registering for baby stuff/gear/necessities – oh my word, where are we going to put all of this stuff????

*Cravings: microwave popcorn, root beer, gummy bears, refried beans with cheese

*Purchasing stretch mark cream…and using it every day

*Having high school acne for about 3 months

*Going nuts not knowing the sex of the baby yet (have 4 more weeks to go)

*Trying to get through a day of work without puking everywhere

*Taking afternoon naps in the spare office during the workday

* Peppermint and Spearmint Preggie Pops – ‘nuff said

*Having blood frequently drawn for lab tests- more importantly, going and having it done by myself

*Passing up getting my beloved spray tans

*Jumping up and down in the fitting room when finding the cutest maternity swimsuit on sale for $8.56 at Old Navy

*Eating Taco Bell for lunch, 4 days in a row

*Eating Ramen Noodles again for the first time since college

*Falling in love with my new “perfume scent” – Dr. Palmer’s Tummy Butter

*Not falling in love with liquid Mylanta for heartburn

****This most important thing – seeing my baby move inside of me (still can’t feel it) at my 13 week ultrasound…and getting it on videotape. The best feeling in the world so far.****

I can’t think of anything else right now, but hope you had a good laugh about some of those items. I had cheesy chicken bake last night for dinner...and it was good!

We have three more weeks until we find out the sex of the baby- he/she better be showing off the goods too!!!! Hopefully keeping you better updated over the next 5 ½ months!

EVERYTHING (song by Tim Hughes) (postword by Cami)

GOD IN MY LIVING
THERE IN MY BREATHING
GOD IN MY WAKING
GOD IN MY SLEEPING

GOD IN MY RESTING
THERE IN MY WORKING
GOD IN MY THINKING
GOD IN MY SPEAKING

BE MY EVERYTHING
BE MY EVERYTHING
BE MY EVERYTHING
BE MY EVERYTHING

GOD IN MY HOPING
THERE IN MY DREAMING
GOD IN MY WATCHING
GOD IN MY WAITING

GOD IN MY LAUGHING
THERE IN MY WEEPING
GOD IN MY HURTING
GOD IN MY HEALING

CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME
THE HOPE OF GLORY

YOU ARE EVERYTHING

CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME
CHRIST IN ME
THE HOPE OF GLORY

BE MY EVERYTHING

POSTWORD:
For the last two days all I have listened to on my iPod is the above song "Everything" by Tim Hughes. While the whole album is great (seriously, make a purchase of HOLDING NOTHING BACK), I keep hitting return on this one song. The music and the lyrics are presently challenging me and following Pastor Mike's sermon on Sunday and his challenge to do something great for the Lord, I NEED the words to this song. All day long I was crying out to God, "Be my Everything."

So much so that it compelled me to pick up my prayer journal last night. Sadly, my last entry was on May 17, 2007 (which I don't remember writing) and before that was sometime in mid-2006. Dispicable in my eyes. But at the bottom of each page is a Bible verse- at the bottom of the next blank page that I was to start writing on was the following verse:

COLOSSIANS 1:27b "...which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. "

I sat there for a moment, staring at the blank page, with my mouth open in wonder. Was this irony or a mystery how the song and the verse could be there together? No. I believe the Lord was actively speaking to me- nothing "ironic" about it. And I believe He was letting me know a few different things:

1. His Word is alive! It reaches out not only through song, but connects to the heart.
2. I wasn't falling in love with words written by a musician, rather, a musician had used words from God's Word and I believe that is why it has touched my heart so much.
3. PICK UP YOUR BIBLE AND YOUR PRAYER JOURNAL TOGETHER- USE THEM OFTEN!!!! (THAT SHOULD BE #1)
4. That I need to study the Bible more diligently- so I would have known it was words from Colossians when I first heard the song.

All I know is that I ran out and told Gus of what had happened, went back into our room to read and write and prayer for a little while, and I went to bed smiling. It was an amazing evening for me, and going to sleep feeling close to the Lord is a blessing.

New York City - A Quick Side Note Find

The new Starbucks summer drinks had arrived while in NYC. One day they weren't there, the next they were. Of course, my mom got me set on Orange and Chocolate together as a small kid (she loves it, I would try it). While Gus was trying one of their new breakfast sandwiches (which, by the way, kicks all other breakfast sandwiches butts- ha, they don't have butts), I was trying one of their Orange Mocha Frappuccino (sp?). Very good- highly recommended. Recommended to my mom via cell phone right there while I was drinking it.

The second option is the Orange Mocha hot (good as well). And then the delightful Orange Creme Frappuccino. Yum. If you ever loved Creamsicles as a kid (vanilla ice cream, on a popsicles stick, with orange flavored ice surrounding it)- you'll love this. I thought the Tall was a waste, but the Grande was a little too much other day. Who knows- it's still good and worth a try. (Photos courtesy of Starbucks.com)

New York City - Greenwich Village

This is the second part to my day of "items." This picture was shot by Gus and it's very "Felicity-esque" and was meant to be. I am a serious Felicity fan, as any of my close friends would know, and I wanted to visit the Dean & Deluca Coffee Shop and Cafe that Felicity's D&D was fashioned after. It looked nothing like it on the inside, but the outside felt like I could have looked in and seen her.

This was my first challenge with being in Greenwich Village. I told Gus that I keep thinking I would see Felicity walking around by NYU or walking to work at D&D (with a funny laugh of course- I said this to Gus). He reminded me that Felicity is a real person named Keri Russell- who does in fact live in NYC so technically, I could have seen her.

But that's the point- Felicity isn't real, even as much as I connected with the show. It's funny and scarily weird how that works. My disappointment was shown when we entered Dean & Deluca, looking nothing like the TV set, people looking nothing like Felicity characters, and food too expensive to rationalize...we left.

We instead had falafel and shawerma from a walk up stand and walked down to Union Square to eat. There was something going on for Mother's Day and the weather was still gorgeous. Good times and our subway entrance was a few feet away. The lunch was less to brag about- I've never had falafel or shawerma that had curry-flavored sauce on the inside. Not sure where those peeps were from, but it didn't settle with either of our stomachs.

So, that was the end of our Sunday. We headed back into MIDTOWN (there was some confusion on the subway between me and Gus). We have always referred to Times Square area as downtown- it just seems obvious. So we got on the train going Downtown. Downtown is considered Brooklyn area- wrong way. So we jumped off at a few stops down and got on the train heading to Uptown/The Bronx. This took us to Midtown (which is the main heart of the city...duh, in the middle of the island), and we just made it to Mary Poppins in time. Lovely- actually, we had to pick up our tickets at the Stub Hub office first...long day. We were wiped out by the end, but it was fun!

NEW YORK CITY - SOHO

Sunday morning we moved into the city. We dumped our stuff at the hotel and headed out for my choices in Greenwich Village and Soho. I knew two things that I wanted to do, which may sound stupid to others, but exciting to me. Although we ended up, off the subway, by Gray's Papaya hot dogs we weren't hungry yet so we skipped it (bummer). I also wasn't smart enough on this day to get the addresses and directions to where we were going. This is the only time I can remember Gus being frustrated with me on the trip- thank goodness...it was well deserved too.

Thanks to Gus, he remembered there was a MAC store in SoHo. We called his mom and she gave us the address. We located it only three blocks from where we were standing. I realized that we could look up my choices there with their free internet access. Here's Gus at the MAC SoHo store.

We located my two items and I shall blog about those here:

1. Purl Patchwork Soho. www.purlsoho.com Now, I might not look excited in the picture (and it definitely wasn't my best picture of the trip), but seriously, I was. I found this store online as I started doing research for millaTuelle fabrics. Purl Patchwork carries some WONDERFUL artists' fabrics and it was nice just talking to the two gals working there. The one gal asked where we were from and I said Orange County, California. She tipped me off that their website warehouse is in Costa Mesa, along with their sale fabrics, and they take walk-ins all the time. Therefore, I didn't feel like I had to buy everything in the store while I was there. Call it my shopaholism, but I wanted to buy SOMETHING, so I bought a small bundle of pink and red fabrics. I think I might put them all together into one hippie-type, summery shirt.

Lastly on our trip to SoHo, I decided if we were to live in NYC, I would love to live here (or Greenwich Village right up the street...more in next Blog Post). But alas, Orange County does not have the highest rents across the U.S. We found two summer listings- a one bedroom available June and July for $3,500 per month and Nolita lofts 2,000 sq ft (which is quite big) with 1.5 baths and a gourmet kitchen for $6,500 per month. Hello! We thanked the Lord for our apartment after seeing those signs. Location, Location, Location (apparently).

So goes our story of SoHo. This post was a bit long, so the rest of the day (Greenwich Village choice #2) will be in the next Blog Post. Yay.